


Shaken, Not Stirred

by alchemise



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Drinking, Gen, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-13 15:16:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17490347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alchemise/pseuds/alchemise
Summary: David, Alexis, moonshine, and confessions





	Shaken, Not Stirred

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elegantstupidity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elegantstupidity/gifts).



"I thought you were a spy once. For, like, a hot second or so anyway."

They were multiple shots into the bottle of moonshine and David was feeling confessional. It's not like there was much else to do, other than drink. Or rather, sample the potential merchandise. David and Alexis were on an overnight buying trip. They'd spent the day meeting with possible new vendors, trying to expand the reach of the Rose Apothecary brand into more distant towns. Towns that were even smaller than Schitt's Creek. Towns that didn't even have motels up to the Rosebud's standards.

The trip was a mixed success. Lots of misses, but a few promising hits. Including the moonshine they'd decided to crack open and kill two birds with one stone: test it to make sure it wouldn't blind any future customers and hopefully make him forget about the stains covering every inch of their motel room.

He really missed Patrick, and Patrick's non-motel bed, right about now.

"What? Why, David? You can't just leave it at that."

David grudgingly elaborated. "You were in, I don't know, some war-torn little country somewhere. I think it was like the fourth time you needed me to get you an emergency passport, only this time you said it needed to be a fake passport, from another country. You even gave me the contact info for some forger who could 'expedite a new passport.'" He made slightly drunken air quotes at the phrase. "I think those were your exact words."

Alexis looked like she was trying to slot the information into place. He wasn't surprised it was taking her a minute to remember. There were an alarming number of times she'd needed help extricating herself from some chaos she'd found herself in the middle of, and who knows how many she'd never told him about and simply rescued herself from. "Oh right," she said with a look of remembrance. "Well I couldn't very well use my own passport. The embassy had just been bombed and people were taken hostage. It was in the news, David."

David just stared at her. "Yes, I know. So my only options were to have to think about you trapped in a country where our own _embassy_ had just been _bombed_ or to conclude that you were a spy and therefore, more likely to be know how to get out safely."

"You were worried about me!" She smiled and hugged herself happily.

He rolled his eyes in fake nonchalance. "Yes, okay. I was worried. Plus, you made me send you one of mom's wigs, and I do not like to handle those." He shook his hands in remembered ickiness. "I had to make up a story about accidentally destroying it so she wouldn't know why it was gone, and I think she still holds it over me."

Alexis was suddenly lost in thought and not paying attention to his wig-related trauma. "Well, did you think I worked for the CIA? Or one of those sexy European agencies?" She waggled her eyebrows.

David rolled his eyes and took a big drink from his glass. "I don't know. I didn't give it that much thought."

She took a drink of her own and mumbled into it, "I dated a CIA agent once." Apparently he wasn't the only one feeling like admitting to old truths.

"Don't CIA agents kill people?"

"All spies kill people, David. It's in the job description."

David noticed she'd very cleverly changed the subject from her being a spy to now focusing on an ex. It made him suspicious all over again. "And what became of your spy boyfriend?"

"Well I wouldn't call him a boyfriend; I only knew him for a few weeks. We did this whirlwind trip through Eastern Europe, going to a bunch of parties. There was a private yacht one night, an underground casino another, an auction, and then some fancy diplomat's dinner. It was seriously random. I don't know, he disappeared after that, and I never heard from him again."

David waved a hand in exasperation. "You know that just makes you sound more like a spy, right?"

"Well who's to say I'm not?" She just smiled at that and downed her glass of moonshine.


End file.
